A Korean Wedding
By JL Copeland
What’s it like going to a wedding in Korea?
Not a whole lot of fun, as you’ll find out in the rest of this sorry post.
Background music? I guess you want something romantic. Try this musical masterpiece on for size:
Last Christmas was quiet. In Korea, it’s more of a romantic holiday than a family one.
So not really relevant to me, then.
But speaking of romance, we did attend a wedding on Boxing Day.
One of my wife’s youngest cousins. She’s still in her late twenties, and marrying at this age is unusual for Koreans (most marry in their early or mid-thirties).
But she and her fella had been caught ‘speeding,’ as Koreans put it.
I’ll give you one guess what that means.
My wife dislikes going to weddings. After 16 years with me, she’s sceptical about the whole institution of marriage.
I can’t imagine why.
The fun started early, with my daughter insisting on selecting her own wedding outfit.
Her choice?
A K-pop Demon Hunters’ hoodie, sweatpants and crocs.
Threats were made; a foot was put down. She relented.
What to wear to a Korean wedding as a guest?
The same you’d wear for a Western wedding. Dark suits for men, dresses (nothing too revealing or showy) for women.
So, we crawled through two-hours of gridlock to the venue.
Much scowling and pouting in the rearview mirror, not placated by my conciliatory gesture of allowing Taylor Swift to warble through the speakers at me until my ears were on the verge of a haemorrhage.
99% of Korean weddings take place at wedding halls. These are huge buildings with dozens of weddings going on at the same time. Imagine a multiplex but for marriage, tastefully* decorated.
*If your taste includes vomits of silver, Disney princesses, and bubbles.
The first thing we do when we get there is pay.
Yes, you read that right, pay.
What to give at a Korean wedding?
Money.
The suggested amount in 2026 is a hundred bucks ($70 dollars/50 pounds) per person.
Is this money for the wedding hall?
No, it’s for the families. The money does cover the food, but there’s still lots left over.
This is in lieu of wedding presents, right?
Nope.
The bride and groom usually don’t get any of it (or at least, not directly).
You need to understand that a Korean wedding is not really about the couple. It’s about the family and their connections. The ceremony itself is just a bit of fluff.
The typical parents of the Korean bride and groom will have been to a gazillion weddings. I sh*t you not. At one point my parents-in-law seemed to be going to a wedding every other weekend.
In their generation, people had six or seven kids. Not only do you have your nephews and nieces’ weddings to attend, you’re also expected to attend those of your cousins’ kids’, too.
That’s before you’ve attended those of friends, work colleagues, golfing partners, church buddies, acquaintances (and the weddings of their children), etc. etc. Again, all a hundred bucks a pop.
That’s a lot of money.
And now it’s payback time.
Do Koreans give money at weddings?
Yes, and almost nothing else.
At the desk, people collect the envelopes of money and make a note of the amount and the name of the person gifting it.
Each family usually has a ledger full of names. After the wedding they count up the money and anyone whose wedding they attended who hasn’t reciprocated the gesture? Stricken from the list. Banished. Rubbed out (not Goodfellas-style, I hope).
Doesn’t feel very romantic, but I suppose in the West we have the monstrosity of wedding registers/gift lists. To each their own.
The ticketing system has become more sophisticated in recent times. Yep, people were known to sneak in for a free feast.
Before the ceremony begins, the bride sits in her dress in a separate room where everyone can go and stare at her, like a Barbie in a box.
There’s also a picture desk with lots of candid photos of the couple in various hackneyed poses.
The hall is a runway with a bank of chairs down each side and a stage. Each family and their guests have their own side.
What is a typical Korean wedding like?
They are all pretty much identical.
This one is no different.
Sentimental/cheesy muzak plays (or maybe real musicians if you’ve paid extra), accompanied by perma-applause from the guests.
The two mothers walk down the aisle, bow to each other and light a candle.
The father of the groom comes in and bows.
The groom walks down the aisle and bows.
The bride comes in on her father’s arm, and they bow.
They read their vows to each other (if they were religious, a minister would give some terrifically turgid reading).
Then the couple bow to their respective parents.
Yeah, don’t get married in Korea if you have problems with your lower back.
Then we take family photos. I’m quite self-conscious during this part, as I stick out like… well, like a white bald guy in a photograph of a hundred luxuriously haired hangook salam (Korean people).
And then it’s done.
How long to Korean weddings go for?
The whole shebang takes about fifteen minutes, twenty tops.
In case you’re curious, excluding the dining bill, the average cost for the wedding hall works out at about a thousand dollars for each of those minutes.
Who pays for a wedding in Korean culture?
It varies. In the past, the groom’s family would pay for the ceremony and food, the bride’s family would buy all the clothes (suits*, dress, traditional outfits etc.).
*But not the shoes. An old Korean superstition holds that if you buy the groom shoes, he’ll run away. My mother-in-law kept the tradition, and I haven’t run away …yet.
These days, the costs are usually split between the families. There is still an onus on the groom to provide the housing (although this is changing, Korean real estate is crazy expensive these days).
Do Korean couples live together before marriage?
In general, no. Although surveys come out every so often where 60%+ of Koreans now say they are ‘open’ to the idea, being ‘open’ to it and actually doing it are two different things.
In my experience, of all the Koreans my wife and I know, I can think of one couple who lived together before getting married with their parents’ knowledge.
Do unmarried couples live together in Korea?
If you mean, without an eye on marriage? Almost none-existent.
I should point out that I’m yapping about hetro couples.
LGBT marriage is not recognised in Korea and, although LGBT people are slowly (very slowly) becoming more accepted in Korean society, most LGBT couples keep their relationships on the down low.
Of course, there will be LGBT couples that live together but they have almost no rights e.g. they can’t inherit their partner’s property.
Back to the wedding. They work fast at these wedding halls. The aisle might as well be the factory line; we get outside, and they’ve already changed the photos on the picture desk with the next couple’s snaps.
But now for the real highlight — the food.
As mentioned above, when you give the money, you get a meal ticket, the gateway to the grub.
It’s almost always a buffet.
Usually, a fine selection of delights both Eastern and Western (read: pizza, pasta).
My kids grab plates and take off to see how many platters they can spill or spoil between them.
Do Korean weddings have alcohol?
Yep. Usually, local beer and soju (a cheap rice wine). Very occasionally you might find wine, but it’s very rare (too expensive, as almost all wine is imported).
Despite all the free booze, people usually don’t get sloshed at a Korean wedding; there simply isn’t time.
Sometimes you get a special spread. About ten years ago we went to a boutique place that had lobster, lamb chops, chocolate tarts, the works.
It was too special.
In short, I overdid it.
After the meal, we went for a walk by the river, and my wife had to explain to our three-year-old why daddy was vomiting beside the path, much to the disgust of passersby.
Yeah, not my proudest moment.
I limited myself to three plates at this wedding.
The bride and groom move around the dining room, greeting all the guests. They often don’t get a chance to really eat (we got about ten minutes at our wedding). Again, the sorry couple are an afterthought in this rodeo.
A voice over the speakers tells us our allotted two hours is up, i.e. stop your troughing and get with your skedaddling or they’ll release the hounds (or more likely refuse to validate our parking).
And the wedding is over.
Can a Korean marry a non-Korean?
Yes, and international marriage is becoming increasingly popular. I think a big part of it is that it reduces the expectations and pressure couples suffer when they are dealing with two sets of Korean parents.
There is still discrimination. Again, this is a stereotype (but sometimes, stereotypes save time), but in general, as a foreigner, the richer and more developed your country is (and the whiter your skin), the more likely Korean parents will approve of you. Disappointing, I know, but it is what it is. And things are changing (again, slowly).
My wife and I got married in Korea.
We were among the 1% who opted for a traditional wedding.
If you have a traditional wedding in Korea, you’ll be accused of being snobby (about wedding halls), attention-seeking, stubborn.
I’m not any one of those things.
I’m all of them.
Here’s yours truly in my King Sejong/Mickey Mouse hat being borne by my minions:
Fun times.
Jeez, I’ve resorted to sharing my wedding pictures. Really scraping the barrel with this one.
Anyhoo, if you have any questions about marriage or marriage culture in Korea or the state of my marriage, chuck it in the comments below.
Or for freebies and more alternative takes on Korean culture, sign up for my free newsletter here.
In other news, two of my writer friends have book launches this month.
I don’t have many writer friends (or friends, for that matter), so I need to take every opportunity I have to big them up.
In Dark Chronicles, prize-winning author Karmen Spiljak has put together ten deliciously twisted tales, perfect for enjoying on those dark winter nights:
The latest in Amazon number one bestselling author AK Nevermore’s The Price of Talent series, Exile is out now. One of the best spicy dystopian series I’ve ever read:
Don’t even ask about Nicksgate. It’s coming, alright?
Speak soon.
JL
PS: What is camping in Korea like? Not what you’d think. Check out my doozy of an experience HERE.
PPS: A trip to a Korean heart hospital as a foreigner can be heart-stopping. Read it HERE.
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